Try Being Renee is coming out with a website!! What does that mean? I need a logo for said website. I’m leaving it in the hands of my fans (like you guys) to design me one. The winner, gets their logo featured as the profile picture for the Try Being Renee Facebook Fan Page. (Which you need to LIKE if you haven’t yet! http://www.facebook.com/TryBeingRenee) Also, it gets used on ALL the pages of the new website. 

AND…. on top of all that awesomeness… you get to choose the topic for one of my newest blog posts!

Please send all submissions to beingrenee@gmail.com! The winner will be announced when there are a sufficient amount of entries. 

I promised this post awhile back, the douchebags you see at the beach. Hopefully, you don’t meet them— but you’ll definitely see all of these. I don’t care if you’re in Maine, Virginia, Florida, or California… these same five douchebags will be at EVERY BEACH… at least in America. You can’t say you don’t agree.

1. The guy with the tribal sleeve

Oh, these guys. They’re everywhere. Playing frisbee on the beach. Walking around with their blonde bimbo. Buying Dippin’ Dots for their three year old. Having a delicious piece of fried dough. They have these stupid tribal tattoos—- that are unfortunately never well done. Usually fading, turning green, splotchy looking… and just all around awful. I was hoping after 1997, tribal tattoos would go out of fashion— especially ones as large as the tats you run into at the beach. But apparently, I was wrong and the world as a whole is failing me. These guys also generally have super gelled hair and a ridiculous tan that makes their skin look like leather…

2. Leathery women…

Speaking of leathery skin… there’s ALWAYS the woman made of cow hide— laying out at the beach trying to get her tan on. They’re never satisfied with their tan… or the fact that their skin looks like it belongs on the interior of a car. They never wear sunscreen— and they’re a breeding ground for skin cancer. No really… I can smell the melanoma fifty yards away. I have the nose of a blood hound. Not to mention, these women always wear teeny bikinis… and they’re generally around 50-9000 years old.

3. Prostitots

Another unavoidable situation… the prostitots. You know what I mean— the tweens that are running rampant… alone… at the beach… wearing less than I wear when I have sex. It’s ridiculous. First off… ten year olds do not need a padded bikini top (fuck you, Abercrombie). Nor do they really need a bikini at all. They also do not need fake tramp stamps. Or the ability to walk around the beach parentless. Can’t children just be… well, children?! When I was ten, I was still playing with Barbies. (Not Bratz dolls that dress like a stripper on crack) Now these girls are walking around the beach looking for booooys. Except they don’t end up with boys—- they end up with disgusting ‘just-out-of-high-school’ guys that are gonna grow up to be the next John Wayne Gacy.

4. Bros

I. Hate. Bros. More than anything on this planet. Really. I would rather have a planet full of Casey Anthony’s running around than see another bro… ever. They’re the lowest of the low. And they LOVE the beach. They bring their overly large coolers packed to the brim with some delicious (blech) Natty Ice. They’re either overly ripped from going to the gym six times a day… or think they are even though they look like a lard ass. They bring back-up frisbees, just in case, because the ones they sell at the beach aren’t “Ultimate Frisbee” regulation size. They generally have too many girls with them, but it’s okay— because they need to bring enough for the girls to have one brain combined. And they take up SO. MUCH. SPACE. Who the fuck needs a one mile by one mile spot on the fucking beach? Bros do.

5. The ones who… shouldn’t be wearing that

You know the ones. The lovely ladies who apparently look into a fun house mirror everyday. I’m not exactly tiny. But I’m not even talking about the girls who have curvy bodies— which are SEXY. I’m talking about the women who are… well, for lack of a better word… shapes. How do these women leave their houses thinking that a bikini was a good idea? I’m so glad my body image isn’t warped to the point where I scare children and small animals sitting by the ocean. Also, it’s confusing for the life guards— beached whales are never good for beach business.

Get all the news before everyone else. Suggest upcoming lists/post topics. Check out some wacky pictures of me. Discuss the posts with my other fans. Just general Renee-love.

You all know how much I love lists. A while back— a lovely lady by the name of CORIE asked me to do a list of underrated actors. As a… rebuttal to the shitty actors list. Of course, I must do what my fans want. And here we are…. with a list of my top 8… favorite, yet underrated actors.

1. Joe Anderson

We’ll start off with the best of the best. This man here (check those blue eyes…. rawr.) is Joe Anderson. You may recognize him from Across the Universe— where he played Max, Lucy’s womanizing, hippie, older brother. He’s going to gain some popularity very soon for being in the Twilight movies. Normally, if an actor were to appear in Twilight— I would automatically write them off as being amazing. But Joe Anderson is just so delicious, I can’t fault him for one bad career move. But this man’s been in some great movies— his American accent is flawless in Across the Universe (he’s a brit), a great German accent in The Ruins, and his performance in Silence Becomes You (great movie… watch it) is superb. And damn, can this boy sing. Joe Anderson, I love you.

2. Alicia Silverstone

Speaking of Silence Becomes You— Alicia Silverstone. I’m sure you all know her from silly movies like— Clueless and Blast From the Past. I, however, have a new found appreciation for her because of the movie, Silence Becomes You. This girl can ACT. The movie itself is fucked up, and not something that I would ever expect her to be in. But she plays a slightly psychotic sister that falls in love with Joe Anderson as though she was made for the part. And she’s fucking adorable anyway. That helps.

3. Gary Oldman

Now, listen— I KNOW Gary Oldman is pretty popular. But he’s underrated in my mind. Most people, when seeing him in a role— don’t. even. know. it’s. him. That, in my mind, is an actor. Someone who is like a chameleon. Can mold and blend into different parts seamlessly. Not only just acting, he does voice overs too. How many of you knew that Gary Oldman played Sirius Black in Harry Potter? Or how about Zorg in The Fifth Element? Stansfield in The Professional? Count Dracula in… well, fucking Dracula? Sid Vicious in Sid and Nancy? I mean… look at how different all those roles are. It’s insane. Love this man.

4. Piper Perabo

Yeah, yeah, yeah— “oh, that’s the girl from Coyote Ugly.” Yeah. She is. Did you know she was in anything other than that? Probably not. Because she’s really only done ONE other good movie. But this ONE movie— makes her amazing in my mind. The movie is Lost and Delirious. An independent Canadian film from 2001, right after Coyote Ugly. Piper plays a boarding school attendee, who is a lesbian and is in love with her roommate— whom she assumes is in love with her two. But when the roommate’s younger sister walks in on them lying in the post-coital passion in their shared dorm… the roommate calls off the relationship. Piper, then spirals down into a psychotic depression— and well, goes crazy. I don’t want to ruin the movie for you, so rent it— and watch it. Her performance in this… is brilliant. She goes from being happy and fun in the beginning— to super crazy and obsessive halfway through. Amazing acting from all performers, actually.

5. Patrick Wilson

Who out there knows who this man is? ….

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It’s okay, I’ll wait…

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None of you. Okay, maybe a few. But probably not many. This man… is amazing. Besides having those eyes (what can I say? I’m a sucker for blue eyes…), and that hottie-hot-hot inquisitive eyebrow raise… he’s a versatile actor. Anyone here seen Hard Candy, with Ellen Page? Yep, that’s Patrick Wilson. If you recognized him, it was most likely from that movie. Perhaps… Watchmen? Does that ring a bell at all? He plays Nite Owl. Or maybe you’ve seen Phantom of the Opera? Yeah, this guy was Raoul. He can SING. Not just… sing. But he sang in fucking Phantom of the Opera— one of the greatest musicals of our generation. This guy fucking rocks.

6. Gerard Butler

Everyone loves Gerard Butler for ONE reason, and one reason only. Say it with me now…

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THIS IS SPARTA!!

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Oh, did some of you not realize that Leonidas was actually Gerard Butler? Maybe because he didn’t. even. look. like. Gerard. Butler. The skinny face… with the facial hair… and that, well— can it even be referred to as a six pack? But that’s not all folks. Gerard can sing too— he was ALSO in Phantom of the Opera… as the fucking Phantom. That’s right. King Leonidas… was the Phantom of the Opera. Is that a big enough switching of roles for you? How about him playing Dracula in Dracula 2000? Or Attila the Hun in Attila? Or maybe his role in P.S. I Love You? Or his voice over work for How To Train Your Dragon? This man is, like Gary Oldman— another chameleon.

7. Danielle Harris

I love Danielle Harris. She’s not like Gerard Butler or Gary Oldman in the way that you can’t recognize her in her roles. I just think she’s adorable… and a great actress. She has great presence, and I always seem to notice her right away— she shines above all of her co-stars. Most recently, she’s been getting into horror—- which I am pumped about. Her role in Halloween was great, as the best friend— what I loved about her in these movies was that she wasn’t helpless. Yes, she ended up stabbed multiple times in the first one, and kicks the bucket in the second. But she fights her way through both of these movies— breaking away from the stereotype that women in horror movies will try and wrist slap their way out of the arms of a psycho, ghostly killer. She does voice overs… like Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys. And I’m sure you lovelies remember the episode of Boy Meets World, where she plays T.K.— Harley Keiner’s sister who wants to date Cory Matthews. 

8. Rosario Dawson

I’m sure you can gather by now that I’m a fan of musicals. Well, little known fact— RENT is one of my favorites. And Mimi is my second favorite character (only behind Maureen). Now here’s another little known fact— I HATE the woman who originally played Mimi on Broadway. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. But Rosario… girl can sing. Seriously, Out Tonight is a HARD song—- and she nails it… no problem. On top of that, her acting is perfect. It’s gotta be weird to play a homeless, heroin addicted, stripper— right? On top of that role, she’s been in Death Proof— one of the movies in Grindhouse, where she played Abernathy. Clerks 2. Men in Black 2. JOSIE AND THE MOTHERFUCKING PUSSYCATS. Girl rocks.

And there you are, lovelies. My list of underrated actors. Hopefully, thanks to me— these gorgeous beings start getting more roles, and more recognition for their amazingness.

We wanted the Cup— and we fucking got it. Go Bruins.

Alright, we need more understanding of the inner workings of my amazing (and giant) brain. Therefore, I am now accepting ANY and ALL questions regarding… well, me. So— go ahead boys and girls… don’t be shy!

Do you ever picture your life as a movie? Going further… Do you ever exaggerate your facial reactions to trivial things for the benefit of the “cameras”?

Even further… Do you ever catch yourself singing in the car pretending you’re filming a music video?

I was listening to the radio last night, and John Tesh (if you’ve never listened to his radio show… you’re seriously missing out.) gave us five things not to discuss on a first date. Simple things like medical history and your other dates. Well, I decided to make my own list of things not to discuss on a first date.

Talk about these on a first date at your own risk. They’re hot buttons.

1. Pirates vs. Ninjas

Discussing which is superior, Pirates or Ninjas, on a first date is a suicide move. Of course, you need to discuss this at some point. There is no way a pirate lover can be with a ninja lover. The differences are too vast. But when you’re on a romantic first date to the arcade or the strip club— getting too into your differences aren’t a way to go. I would never date a pirate lover, but I don’t want to find out about it on the first date. It’s like meeting the kids on a first date. Awkwardsauce.

2. Zombie Apocalypse.

Not necessarily a zombie apocalypse. Survival tips, should be off limits. Why, you ask? Because you do NOT need to be giving away your zombie survival tips to someone who could possibly slow you down. I have a very specific plan for survival of a zombie attack. There is no need to share my tips with someone who could end up getting me killed if they remember my plan and try to leech off my plan in the future. Chances are that this idiot that you probably won’t go on another date with will be the asshole who decides it’s a good idea to leave the garage door unlocked to go down the street and find the last of the Twinkies before the world ends. Don’t share your zombie survival tips unless you’re sure you want to be with this person after the world ends.

3. Porn Stars.

Notice I did not say porn. Porn is fine to discuss. No worries there. But porn stars… everyone has their own personal favorite. And many people get… well, heated at the thought of someone else not liking their personal favorite porn star. Whether it’s Jenna Jameson, Bree Olson, or Ron Jeremy— people are highly protective about their personal favorite sex workers. Talk about porn, but keep it broad. Talk badly about someone’s favorite porn star, and expect to be hit with the broad side of a bat.

4. Family Guy vs. The Simpsons.

Now… we ALL know that Family Guy is the superior adult cartoon. But, let’s face it, there are some idiots out there who think that after 22 seasons, The Simpsons is still a *good* cartoon. It wasn’t to begin with… but really, the damn show has been on since 1989— it’s time to let it go, Matt Groening. Stick with Futurama, the show that proves you can actually have a decent idea. Stick to the conversation of pure Family Guy, quoting the show usually is a good way to open up the conversation. But you MUST avoid the Family Guy vs. Simpsons debate— unless you want to end up covered in your Olive Garden cheesecake. (Seriously, try the Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake at the Olive Garden… delicious.)

5. CSI vs. CSI; Miami vs. CSI; New York.

Again, same here as the Family Guy vs. Simpsons debate. Everyone watches CSI. Some weirdos watch all three. But most of the time, everyone has ONE version of CSI that they always watch without fail. For me, this is a no brainer— CSI; Las Vegas. It’s the true version of CSI, with multi-layered characters that you really get attached to. The other two versions of CSI… Miami and New York… are sad versions of the original CSI. There is a formula to CSI… they all need a ‘Grissom’ character. Someone who knows something about everything, and spouts off truths like a fortune cookie. They all need a Catherine… a woman who keeps the Grissom character in check— all while battling their old demons. They need a Greg… someone who is not happy in their original position and wants to move up with the team (mostly because they’re cute and it’ll bring up ratings). Getting into a heated debate about which of the three is better, is not okay. It will only lead to… well, most likely a CSI team coming to investigate what happened to your chopped up body that was found behind the boardwalk at the beach.